I'm mad at God, and myself, and the whole stinking world

I read somewhere recently that it was okay to be mad at God, because He could take it. Well, I sure hope so, because I can't deal with this any more. And since there is nothing I can do to change it, all I can do at this point is whine about it. I got a stupid cold/flu thing a few days ago. That's been making me miserable. A stuffy head makes my headaches a lot worse. Then I got cramps, which are just horrible by themselves. Then I went to church, which, for whatever reason (my personal feeling is that God doesn't want me there so my headaches intensify while I'm there) always makes my headaches insanely bad. So, now I'm having a breakdown. And, for those of you that think I'm always having a breakdown, I just want to point out that I spend a great deal of my life pretending to be an adult. Not right now, mind you, when all I really want to do is call my mommy and cry, but most of the time. Which is another gripe. If trials are really supposed to just be there to teach us lessons and all of that crap, then why, after I try so hard to be good and helpful and pleasant and calm, do I still have to go through the stupid trial? Obviously I'm going to fail if you make it long enough. People can only withstand torture for so long, it's a fact. And if anyone thinks I'm exaggerating with the torture, you just try this for a day or so and we'll see how you hold up without going stark raving mad and wanting someone to put a bullet in you. And then do it for nine more years. Which brings me to another point. Why is suicide wrong? It doesn't make sense. I understand that even though life gets so unbearable you can't handle it, it usually turns around. But, what if it doesn't? If life stays unbearable forever, why do you have to put up with it? Who benefits from that? Why is it humane to kill animals to end their suffering, but not okay for humans? Did I mention I'm just really mad at the world right now? I'm so tired of things not being fair. And I know other people have problems, blah, blah, blah. . .but I just don't care right now. I'll make a deal - if my problems go away, I'll care a whole lot about other people's problems. . . how's that?