My nose is traumatized

I went to the chiropractor this morning, expecting to get another muscle reactivated. I have five left, in case anyone cares. But he said that the results weren't what he wanted, because, after all, he has a reputation, so he suggested that we try sticking a balloon up my nose and inflating it. Okay, so the procedure actually has a real name - cranial something, but that's pretty much the gist of it. And if it sounds painful, that's because it is. He did it four times in each nostril, and pumped it three times apiece. I could feel the bones cracking around up there. He said there might be some sensitivity later. Some. Try a lot. I've had to blow my nose all day and it really hurts. Enough that I left work early, because I'm a big baby. I'm hoping it will help with the sinus problems, though, because I'm really tired of waking up with my head feeling stuffy everyday. In case you're wondering, it was marginally less painful than the Q-tip procedure, and took a lot less time, so between the two, I'd definitely recommend the balloon. Although not having anything stuck up your nose is probably the best option.

The Picture Doctor

So, around Christmas-timeish, I sent a full-length digital picture of myself to a healer guy my dad knows. He emailed me a spreadsheet of his analysis, and then my parents (being the super caring people they are) gave me the herbal formulas he'd recommended. Except the barley green, which was supposed to be available at Walmart. Well, I went to Walmart back then, and they didn't have it, so I checked a couple other places and eventually gave up on it as I was occupied with the herbologist at the same time. Then, yesterday, I called my dad about something unrelated, and he mentioned that the picture doctor had done a followup on my picture and discovered that I wasn't taking the barley green. Kinda spooky, since he really shouldn't be able to tell that from a picture, especially the same one. Anyway, I went to Walmart and actually asked somebody in their pharmacy, who said they didn't have it, but recommended that I check GNC. They didn't have it, but recommended that I check Harmons. They didn't have it, so I ended up coming home, where I checked Swanson online. I remember checking Swanson before, but they must have upgraded their search engine, because it came up with barley grass and I was able to order some. So, in the next few days, I should be able to take barley greens and see what that does for me. Pretty freaky, though! I hope he only uses his powers for good.

Wrinkle Reducer

I just happened upon something that helps me deal with the headaches. Apparently, when they hit, if I can concentrate on saying, "I am stronger than the pain," over and over again out loud, it distracts me enough I don't have to grab my head. Which means I'm not squinching up my face, which hopefully will help with reducing the wrinkles. Because it's bad enough to be in pain, but wrinkles? That's insult to injury, right there.

I've still been going to the chiropractor. He's cleared all my allergies, and I've still got a few muscles that need reactivated. Don't ask how many, because I keep forgetting to ask him.

Anyway, I just keep thinking of the quote: Sometimes our strengths are composed of the weaknesses we're damned if we're going to show. Sometimes I think the worst thing about these stupid IPH is me looking like a freak every time I have to grab my head. Then I remember that really the pain is the worst thing.

At work we've had a few people from another department come over and sit with us for a couple of hours to watch what we do. I've had 5 or 6 sit with me over the last couple of weeks. Last Saturday, my coworker ran into someone from that department out and about, and she asked about me. She wasn't one of the ones that had even visited us! Apparently, I'm now famous. My coworker knew I'd appreciate that one.

Looking for direction

Hope is not a course of action.

I think over the years my focus has changed from what I want to be when I grow up into who I want to be. Perhaps that's because I could never answer the first one, so it's easier to attempt to answer a new question that seems harder, and therefore more legitimately should take longer; but I'm going to give me the benefit of the doubt and say it just means that I'm trying to be more in tune with my real purpose as I age. So, now my pet project, which I'm becoming a bit obsessed with, is to define exactly who I would like to become.

My Level of Self-Discipline

So, searching the internet last night for ideas on how to actually make myself get out of bed in the morning, I ran across this list of questions for determining one's level of self discipline. Let me forewarn you, mine sucks. Let's see if yours is better. Taken from Steve.Pavlina.com.

• Do you shower/bathe every day? yeah, pretty much
  
• Do you get up at the same time every morning? Including weekends? no
  
• Are you overweight? no
  
• Do you have any addictions (caffeine, nicotine, sugar, etc.) you’d like to break but haven’t? yes
  
• Is your email inbox empty right now? my main one yes, work one no, other one almost
  
• Is your office neat and well organized? no
  
• Is your home neat and well organized? no
  
• How much time do you waste in a typical day? On a weekend? a lot
  
• If you make a promise to someone, what’s the percentage chance you’ll keep it? 49%
  
• If you make a promise to yourself, what’s the percentage chance you’ll keep it? 9%, although, in my defense I always try to make myself do hard things
  
• Could you fast for one day? possibly
  
• How well organized is your computer’s hard drive? pretty good
  
• How often do you exercise? never
  
• What’s the greatest physical challenge you’ve ever faced, and how long ago was it? I got myself to run a mile two and a half years ago, then promptly stopped
  
• How many hours of focused work do you complete in a typical workday? probably 7 or so
  
• How many items on your to do list are older than 90 days? most of them
  
• Do you have clear, written goals? Do you have written plans to achieve them? somewhat, not really
  
• If you lost your job, how much time would you spend each day looking for a new one, and how long would you maintain that level of effort? a couple of hours, probably a week or so
  
• How much TV do you currently watch? Could you give up TV for 30 days? I don't technically have TV, but Netflix has taken over my life
  
• How do you look right now? What does your appearance say about your level of discipline (clothes, grooming, etc)? relaxed (read slightly slobby, although I've never gone out in public in pajama pants), level of discipline 5 (hey, I'm showered, my hair&teeth got brushed, I have clean clothes on)
  
• Do you primarily select foods to eat based on health considerations or on taste/satiety? about half and half
  
• When was the last time you consciously adopted a positive new habit? Discontinued a bad habit? Does it count that I've thought of creating positive new habits for a long time?
  
• Are you in debt? Do you consider this debt an investment or a mistake? yes, mistake/investment/seemed like a good idea at the time
  
• Did you decide in advance to be reading this blog right now, or did it just happen? I prefer to think of it as divine intervention
  
• Can you tell me what you’ll be doing tomorrow? Next weekend? sleeping, eating, etc
  
• On a scale of 1-10, how would you rate your overall level of self-discipline? 2
  
• What more could you accomplish if you could answer that last question with a 9 or 10? a whole lot
  

Just not seeing it. . .

So, here's another thing in the long list of things I don't understand: why is it that people compliment me on the way I deal with my headaches and the whole chronic pain in general thing? Don't get me wrong, it's very nice of them, and I'll take any compliment I can get, but don't they know I'm a big whiner on the inside? I always feel like I'm undeserving when people tell me that I'm tough, or amazing, or inspiring, or actually suffering with grace. Really, I'm just surviving, and if I'm able to laugh about some things in life along the way, that's just because I'd be crying otherwise. And I do enough of that. So, just for all you truly wonderful people out there, I'm pretty sure given the same trials you'd probably rock out. I just hope you never have to test that theory, because it sucks.

Live your life

"You can't leave footprints if you walk on your tiptoes."